Wednesday, April 5, 2017

In These Moments

Yesterday was my 6 week postpartum checkup. But, seriously, how?! How is my baby 6 weeks old already?

I was visiting with the doctor about all things AnnLouise and catching him up on Houston. If you remember my OB was the only one who ever mentioned Prune Belly. Of all the specialists we saw and the possibilities we heard, the very first possible diagnosis from our regular OB was the right one all along. Looking back I'm glad I didnt know. Prune Belly can be very, very fatal...many babies are stillborn or the parents are told to abort (as we had been told). I'm just glad I didn't have that to know to worry about.

Anyway, so we were talking about checkup things when he asked if I wanted to discuss birth control. I looked at him very seriously and said, "Doc, I'll take one of everything you got." And I meant it.

He told me our options but was open and honest about his recommendation we don't do anything permanent yet. He said so many people who are still living in the emotions of a new baby (let alone what we've been through) think they're done but wish years later that they hadn't taken such drastic measures. For one fleeting moment that was lost in time a beautiful thought of just 1 more pregnancy and 1 more baby ran through my mind. But as I said that was fleeting, and I opted for the first plan of taking 1 of everything.

But, really, they're pretty cute.
I'm trying my hardest to live in the moment, to savor these days. I see someone everyday who looks at my whole mess I've got going on and I can read in their eyes that they miss it. It is the couple at the doctor's office who plays with Henry and talk about their grandkids who are graduating high school or the lady at church who reminisces on her babies when she sees us dragging ours in the doors or the picture of my dad as a little boy with his brothers and parents hanging in my hallway that tells me to love these days in a mighty way.

I do. I really do. I love these moments. I joke about them a lot and go on about how tired I am, but these days are the best I've ever had. I literally just told Henry I would parent him today once I finished my coffee and he threw his sister's socks into said cup of coffee, but I'm trying to take mental pictures of these days and live in them real-time.

Often I wonder what memories it will be that stick with me. Will it be the day they both had naps and I cooked a fabulous dinner? Or will it be the day I left them in their PJs until lunch and called in pizza as they strung toilet paper through the house? Hopefully it is both. I hope I remember the crazy that made up so many days, but I hope I also give myself grace and remember that by goodness I did a pretty good job most of the time.

Well, my coffee cup is empty and I keep my promises, so I have to go parent Henry now. And by the smell of the diaper as he just ran by, I think he really needs me to.

Avery Jane

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